People with Problems

EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ESCAPE*

*but were afraid to ask

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“How do I escape the label ‘trinket obsessed hoarder’ and create a home environment that instead evokes ‘chic artistic maximalist?’”

CREATIVE DIRECTOR, 35, NASHVILLE

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This comes down to having a deep and almost embarrassing obsession with each trinket. In an environment of thoughtlessness, “trinkets” are “clutter;” in an environment of studied consideration, “trinkets” become “treasure.” Right? Methinks there exists a limit to the attachment one can sustain for items that are small enough to fit inside of a jewelry dish, so prepare to be brutally honest with yourself. The attachment threshold that you set now will help reduce the amount of “stuff” in your space (thereby decreasing possible “hoarder” optics), provide a standard by which future trinket acquisitions can be evaluated, and increase the potential of each item to make more of an impact on your unattended vanity-snooping guest while you slip away powder your nose.

‍Being uncompromising and passionately in love with each item will take you where you want to go in your material life because people can sniff out when these things do or do not authentically belong in your ecosystem (and this goes for all items in your life (in and outside of the home)).

As for me… I revere The Ugly. FACT: ugly is interesting, and I have the sources to prove it. A quick Google search will reveal to you that the chicest people have all shared a fascination with ugliness (and away from conventional notions of beauty (see: Miuccia Prada, Juergen Teller, Martin Margiela, etc.)).  From Isamaya Ffrench and Jordan Wolfson on truth, ugliness, and controversial themes: “Most beauty doesn’t have a lot of depth, whereas grotesque and ugly things really do.” My best friend Eliza loves the most hideous things. She loves them fervently not merely because they’re “ugly,” (that is an uninspired cop-out) but, rather, because they represent movement against what is widely considered “good taste,” are unique due to their implicit rejection of aesthetic consensus, and, above all, are refreshing to look at. The obsessive pressure Eliza applies to these ‘ugly’ things is what ultimately transforms them into diamonds.‍

‍Discovering a rich vein of deeply felt value in something that most people overlook, or - even better - are turned off by (!), is satisfying, and what I believe to be the first step toward establishing personal style. It is a firm foundation for more impactful visual storytelling in your space, and will organically provide an additional (but cohesive) prong in your personal aesthetic evolution, and you hold it up, like a mirror, to your closet, music, food, and more, allowing everything you see, speak, taste, hear, and touch to become an ever-expanding electric feast of inquiry and discourse. As Marie Kondo said, “Only buy the ugly tchotchkes that make you smile with your teeth!” Or something like that.

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“How do I escape the polymania that has seemingly plagued the city?”

DIRECTOR OF STRATEGY, 28, NEW YORK

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‍I wish I could respond to this with a violent IG Story via “Create Mode” à la Azaelia Banks (honestly, the way I started speed writing this isn’t too far off) because my inner circle and I have BEEN talking about this. I’ve maintained a delicately tuned sense of tradition that was embedded in me from childhood… keeping my elbows off the dinner table, responding “I’m well” instead of “I’m good,” and imagining that my future partner and I would be in a life-long bonded partnership with a singular devotion to one another, similar to romance among swans, which makes sense seeing as my favorite classical piece (and inspiration to most creative efforts I’ve had in the last five years) is titled “Le Cygne.”

‍As a full Earth sign, the stars have aligned for me so I would not and could not accept anything less than monogamy. Your options? Start tweaking your birth time by the second in Co-Star until you get some Earth in your chart, or channel a Virgo and put your foot down, even if it seems more convenient (or immediately gratifying) not to. The good news is that there is nothing to “escape” if you don’t allow yourself to be trapped by it. It also helps to make a vaguely threatening comment about polyamory on your dating profile.

In a city with many viable outlets to be creative, unique, and not our parents, you have my full support to embrace tradition and reject modernity in this aspect of your life. Sometimes it's ok to be old school. Being singularly and devotedly pursued is hot! If it's what you want, it’s what you deserve. The prophetic Kylie Jenner famously captioned a 2014 Instagram post “My monogamy it bothers you”... I wish she would be brave enough to say it again ten years later.

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“Both my main gig (social media manager) and my side hustle (content creator) are in social media, which means it’s really hard (if not downright impossible) to take social media breaks and escape from the relentless and ever-bleaker media cycle. How can I protect my peace and not get bogged down by all of the horrible things happening in the world, while still remaining on top of my work?”

MARKETING COORDINATOR, 25, BROOKLYN

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If you could see my screen time, you might reconsider your decision to petition me for advice on this topic. Our colleagues in marketing and media have been so conditioned to remain– for lack of a better term– chronically online, that it is almost impossible to parse the REST/PLAY/LEARN/WORK time blocks in our daily lives. Fortunately, both you and I have access to well-informed and experienced peers, so we have options.

Despite my more cynical response to the question following yours (regarding social anxiety and footwear (see below)), I will admit - just between the two of us - that it is ultimately necessary to name, interrogate, and hold conversation about these difficult topics in self-determined, appropriate environments. While the obvious answer is “Put the phone down!”, I don’t find that to be a realistic, good-faith piece of advice anymore. What we find relevant, whatever our primary news source is (whether “the Internet” or friend), ultimately encourages connection.  Both life-affirming and mind-wrecking streams of information usually come from the same source: the iPhone glued to our hand–  but make sure that you’re fact-checking before indulging in emotion.

Honestly, I too have difficulty navigating this, but I can offer that I have regularly found respite in submitting to a strictly observed Do Not Disturb schedule for most notifications after 6 PM and all Instagram notifications during the work day (on my personal account, at least). This self-imposed set of restrictions reflects a hard-earned observation: my most creative and individualistic thoughts come to me in moments of intentional solitude— on a walk, in the shower, or staring out the window while blasting Tchaikovsky. Wellness girlies boast about their 30-minute morning meditation, but that can materialize in forms beyond a Headspace-architected lotus pose. I, for one, find it nearly impossible to have a unique thought if I’m in a state of constant consumption, so time dedicated to being alone is among the best self-gifts.

Stay diligent, social queen. It will all be worth it for your discounted Roadway Movers partnership.

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“My go-to method for combating [read: escaping] social anxiety is a great pair of shoes. They're always a talking point and create a physical buffer to discuss anything deeper than ‘How the SSENSE sale is going?’ What is the perfect shoe for every social occasion?”

FASHION STYLIST, 27, BROOKLYN

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Eliza, in the same way that you utilize shoes, I utilize jewelry– both are expensive, barrier-maintaining consumption compulsions that could likely be more affordably (and appropriately) solved by seeking treatment from a licensed professional. Maybe we have layered in a cigarette habit to give the hands and mouth something to do while we carefully avoid overworking the earnest muscle, which inevitably yearns to make itself known at the adrenaline-fueled and sleep-deprived afters… so, to ensure safety, take care to exit by 2AM to ensure avoidance of Being Serious.

Taking an actual page out of the SSENSE Instagram social bible, I’m happy to present this chart as a compass to help premeditate your wardrobe choices as you head to a Bushwick bar and run into 3 passive-aggressive Instagram mutuals. To reinforce your shoe choice, call me before going out to confirm my availability to be your bobble-headed partner, occupying the smoking section with our bodies, and our mouths with a steady supply of Violet Capri’s.

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